One of the things I see women struggle with time and again is with prioritizing Self Care- taking time to CARE for themselves.
Caring for their bodies and their mental health.
Sometimes Self Care is not Selfish but essential and maybe a little boring.
I think about self-care more than the average person.
I’ve been in woman’s wellness for more than half a decade, and in that time I’ve published probably hundreds of quotes, posts and blogs on managing burnout, stress, self-esteem and anxiety. I can recite data on mental health and fitness more easily than I can recall my my own phone number. I’ve tried my best to help people live better, happier lives. However, I’ve also noticed ― as a professional in this space and as a consumer in general ― how oversimplified self-care guidance really is.
Self-care isn’t some new concept (although people have Googled the term more in the last three years than ever before).
Hell, it was discussed long before I was even born ― first medically, and then, during the civil rights movement, more politically.
But the concept of self-care has shifted toward the notion that improving our well-being is only a product away.
Take one look at Goop, with its suggestion that adding moon dust to your morning smoothie can help boost “your spirit.”
That’s not nearly adequate to help us survive in the world today.
A bubble bath may help my muscles relax but isn’t going to wash away the dirtiness I feel after a man brazenly gazes at my breasts when you order lunch.
A face mask may remove my blackheads but it isn’t going to extract the shame I carry over my loan debt.
Going for a jog may take my mind off my to-do list for a little while but it isn’t going to help me outrun the emotional drains of housework or being overwhelmed by all the repairs I need to do and I have waiting for me at home.
Self-care shouldn’t be reduced to a fleeting activity or dispensable product. It shouldn’t even just be considered a wellness phenomenon.
For women, it’s a difficult but necessary act that helps us survive in a world with work demands, family pressures, duties at home, rampant incidents of sexual harassment, a relentless news cycle, financial worries and more. Inner reflection takes time and energy ― resources we’re already lacking.
Self-care is hard work.
This is rarely acknowledged. There’s something missing when we talk about self-care, both in the media and on our own. So I asked several women what they find problematic with our collective discussion about the concept ― and what taking care of yourself actually means to them.
Below is their advice. Consider it a real guide to real self-care (no purchases necessary).
Self-care is… ‘not attending some extravagant spa day with the girls, but rather being able to identify when I need to slow down and perhaps cancel that spa day.’
Self-care is… ‘typically more difficult and less glamorous than treating yourself.’
When self-care becomes a competitive and performative ritual on social media, it defeats its purpose.
Emily Bilek
“Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with treating yourself, and it has an important place in the priorities I set for my own time and money. However, conflating self-care and ‘treating yourself’ is misguided and potentially harmful”- Bilek, 34.
What does Self Care mean in your day?
The self care continuum illustrates the sliding scale of self care, starting with the individual responsibility people
take in making daily choices about their lifestyle, such as cancelling plans, brushing their teeth, eating healthily or choosing to do exercise. But can also be about not watching another episode of a box set and heading to bed earlier or making a conscious decision to drink more water.
Think if it like a Self Care Rainbow….
Moving along the scale or arch, people can often take care of themselves when they have common symptoms
such as sore throats, coughs etc, for example by using over-the-counter medicines but what about when it comes to saying No to an invitation or setting a boundary with your boss at work?
What is important to know about self care is that it has to come from you. From you taking the responsibility
and making the time in your schedule to do it.
And caring for yourself does not mean putting band aids on things, namely, eating or drinking when stressed,
rewarding your behavior with food or drinks or showing yourself love with ice-cream or a lollipop.
These are
patterns taught and learned during childhood and to train our pets! You are not a child nor are you a dog!
And self care is not just putting on a face mask or buying a new bubble bath (though I get a lot of pleasure from these items!)
Self care is choosing to make the best choice for you and your body and your mental and physical wellbeing.
Sometimes this will not FEEL good (I mean a deep tissue massage can be really uncomfortable but it is good for you).
Drinking a green juice instead of a cup of coffee as you are feeling tired is not as fun or easy but it will serve you and your body better in the long run.
Going to bed early and missing out on a night out might seem boring but it might be the best thing for your wellbeing.
Saying No to friends AGAIN because you set your alarm to get up for a 6am workout might seem like you are being a bore, but this is a discipline that is important to build.
So a reprogramming of the meaning of care needs to happen and making time to do this is not a cop out or being weak. It is essential. And potentially life saving.
Self Care is not Selfish, but it might be boring, repetitive, hard work and take time to build the discipline.
But it is not Selfish.
